Friends Only
This LiveJournal is Friends Only. If you would like to read my various rantings, please comment to this post.
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Brief Update...and a Message
FF.net irks me in so many ways. I wouldn't use it at all except, well, I kind of have to when it's the only place where a fandom tends to post its fan fiction. And one of those ways it irks me is in the inability to respond to readers who have disabled private messaging and don't give an email address that the author can use to reach them.
To that end, I'm going to post a brief message here in hopes that one day maybe the user who goes by the name Ehecatl on FF.net might stumbled upon it here and see it.
**
Thank you.
That is, by far, one of the most humbling, amazing, encouraging reviews I've ever received on any story. I am floored. I toyed with the idea once of becoming a professional writer, and I still hope to get the novel I'm working on finished and published one day, but I don't write for the money or the recognition or to become the world's greatest writer. I write because I need to write, because it's a way for me to reshape and clarify my own views on certain issues in life. Beyond that, though, I write because I see problems in the world and need a way to communicate them and attempt to address them and propose my vision of how things might be changed and improved. Since I'm not a speaker by nature, that's why I've resorted to using fiction as my vehicle. Everything that you pointed out in your review...that was exactly the message I was trying to convey in the Whatever Will Be series. I know not everyone will enjoy it (obviously, since the person who reviewed right before you couldn't even finish reading the final story and was extremely harsh with it and with the view I portrayed in it of love), and everyone has the right to their own opinion, but to know that at least one person has taken that message away with them, that the story has touched them in the way I hoped it would, that it rang true for them...I am delighted. Thanks to your review, I know the story was a success and that the years I spent working on it weren't wasted.
If you ever do see this, please, please email me (my address is listed on FF.net), because I have plenty more I'd like to say in response to it and to discuss further with you about it. But the bottom line is, thank you, not just for taking the time to read this story, but to write such an incredible, heartening review.
**
To everyone else on my f-list reading this...hi! *waves* No, I haven't vanished off the face of the earth. I've just been extremely focused the past how many months on finishing up that Tales of Symphonia series I had been working on before grad school starts for me in, oh, a little over a week. It's finally finished now, so hopefully I'll be around a little more regularly again. Look for a complete update soon. And hopefully now, in whatever spare time I have around doing lots and lots of homework for school, I can get back to working on the non-Stargate version of Frozen Flame! *hears crickets chirping* ...Anyone here still remember that story? Anyone at all?
Oh, and in case anyone here is interested in reading the series I just finished writing, it's either on FF.net, or on the web site I created for it at: http://smb814.shahrazad.net/WWB/index.html. At some point I may post it here on my LJ, too, but I haven't had time yet to do so, so we'll see.
I know not everyone on my f-list knows anything about Tales of Symphonia or the characters of Zelos or Sheena, and obviously not every reader enjoyed the direction I went with it since, after only one day, it had already received a review trashing it, but I was extremely happy with the end result. In fact, it's up there with Frozen Flame as being my favorite story I've ever written. Just so you guys know I haven't been completely neglecting Frozen Flame the past three years for no reason. :)
But for now I'm off to take care of a few other pressing things. I hope everyone on my f-list is doing well!
(no subject)
Thanks to some really stupid choices by LJ that risk everyone's privacy there -- and especially their silence when faced with user complaints -- I'm going to work on transferring my 'stuff' there over to here.
Wow, LJ. Really?
Everybody else has already said this better than me, so I'm going to give the condensed version.
Facebook crossposting? Don't like, don't want, won't tolerate.
Twitter crossposting? Don't like, don't want, won't tolerate.
Livejournal? Keeping my fingers crossed that they change this cross-posting nonsense ASAP, or I'm going to have to seriously consider deleting my posts here and moving them all over to DW.
In other words, PLEASE DON'T DO IT. I can't imagine any of you on my f-list would, seeing as most people appear to be even more upset about it than I am, but still...just don't. If I wanted everyone in the world to see my f-locked posts, I wouldn't have f-locked them. And if I find out someone's been crossposting stuff on my LJ, I will ban and block you.
(Although I am amused by the fact that in under 24 hours, the original LJ announcement post already has well over 5,000 posts. Looks like LJ really hit a nerve with this one, eh?)
Facebook crossposting? Don't like, don't want, won't tolerate.
Twitter crossposting? Don't like, don't want, won't tolerate.
Livejournal? Keeping my fingers crossed that they change this cross-posting nonsense ASAP, or I'm going to have to seriously consider deleting my posts here and moving them all over to DW.
In other words, PLEASE DON'T DO IT. I can't imagine any of you on my f-list would, seeing as most people appear to be even more upset about it than I am, but still...just don't. If I wanted everyone in the world to see my f-locked posts, I wouldn't have f-locked them. And if I find out someone's been crossposting stuff on my LJ, I will ban and block you.
(Although I am amused by the fact that in under 24 hours, the original LJ announcement post already has well over 5,000 posts. Looks like LJ really hit a nerve with this one, eh?)
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Can this summer be over now?
So, Milwaukee flooded. Lovely.
My house is fine (so far, although we're apparently getting more rain tonight) but apparently our offices are lost causes. All the carpeting was soaked with not-clean water, computers that were sitting on the floor (like mine) were submerged, boxes were wrecked, papers were destroyed...it's a huge mess. We had at least 2-3 inches in the hallway there last night. The loading dock, just down the hall from us, was completely submerged -- those giant garbage bins where all the garbage collected in a university goes? They were *floating*. PC Support lost a good amount of their stuff, too, since their storage area is also right down the hall from us.
These are the offices they moved us into last summer. I'd like to know who thought shoving us in a basement that has been known to have flooding issues in the past -- and then not *telling* us that we'd be smart not to keep anything, like our computers, on the floor -- would be a great idea.
So now we're temporarily moving...somewhere...while they redo things due to 'environmental concerns.' We're not sure where yet -- probably to the downtown campus. Yippee, I love that drive so very much at rush hour in the morning and at night. I'm supposed to run in and pack up anything I think I might need for the next month. I don't have a clue where to start, especially if all of our stuff is going to be boxed away and unreachable for the next month.
Annual reports are coming due next month. So are handbook revisions. I was supposed to do a beginning-of-the-year supply order. And, oh yeah, school is starting next month so we have to get everything ready for that, too!
Apparently they sent out an email saying we weren't supposed to go in today, but I ended up going in anyway because a) I don't turn on my computer during a lightning storm, so I missed it when they sent it last night, and b) the email server was down this morning when I tried to check it and so I couldn't get that message.
Yep, this summer's been a real blast.
On the bright side, we're dogsitting for a darling puppy. She's a little time hog, and she always wants to play, and she's not exactly housebroken yet, but at least she's cute!
Hopefully everyone else's summer is going better than ours is!
My house is fine (so far, although we're apparently getting more rain tonight) but apparently our offices are lost causes. All the carpeting was soaked with not-clean water, computers that were sitting on the floor (like mine) were submerged, boxes were wrecked, papers were destroyed...it's a huge mess. We had at least 2-3 inches in the hallway there last night. The loading dock, just down the hall from us, was completely submerged -- those giant garbage bins where all the garbage collected in a university goes? They were *floating*. PC Support lost a good amount of their stuff, too, since their storage area is also right down the hall from us.
These are the offices they moved us into last summer. I'd like to know who thought shoving us in a basement that has been known to have flooding issues in the past -- and then not *telling* us that we'd be smart not to keep anything, like our computers, on the floor -- would be a great idea.
So now we're temporarily moving...somewhere...while they redo things due to 'environmental concerns.' We're not sure where yet -- probably to the downtown campus. Yippee, I love that drive so very much at rush hour in the morning and at night. I'm supposed to run in and pack up anything I think I might need for the next month. I don't have a clue where to start, especially if all of our stuff is going to be boxed away and unreachable for the next month.
Annual reports are coming due next month. So are handbook revisions. I was supposed to do a beginning-of-the-year supply order. And, oh yeah, school is starting next month so we have to get everything ready for that, too!
Apparently they sent out an email saying we weren't supposed to go in today, but I ended up going in anyway because a) I don't turn on my computer during a lightning storm, so I missed it when they sent it last night, and b) the email server was down this morning when I tried to check it and so I couldn't get that message.
Yep, this summer's been a real blast.
On the bright side, we're dogsitting for a darling puppy. She's a little time hog, and she always wants to play, and she's not exactly housebroken yet, but at least she's cute!
Hopefully everyone else's summer is going better than ours is!
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"It's a cabinet. It opens in the front."
I will never play a JRPG the same way again.
This is a link. You click it.
Sorry, poor peasant dudes. I'll try to behave better next time.
Edit 1: And now I'm trying to remember RPGs that actually scold you for snooping around in other people's houses and trying to take what you find. I know there are some, but I'm drawing a blank on which ones. Anyone remember?
Edit 2: And what the heck happened to my mood theme? Did LJ change some settings and now I have to go flip a switch or something to turn it back on?
This is a link. You click it.
Sorry, poor peasant dudes. I'll try to behave better next time.
Edit 1: And now I'm trying to remember RPGs that actually scold you for snooping around in other people's houses and trying to take what you find. I know there are some, but I'm drawing a blank on which ones. Anyone remember?
Edit 2: And what the heck happened to my mood theme? Did LJ change some settings and now I have to go flip a switch or something to turn it back on?
She Lives!
First things first...
YES, I AM STILL ALIVE, AND YES I AM STILL DWELLING IN LJ-LAND.
Sorry about the bold capslock, but, well, after a particular near-defriending instance last week because of my lack of living-ness, I thought it might be appropriate to emphasize that. :)
So anyway...hi, everyone! To everyone new on my f-list (or who hasn't actually seen me post anything since they friended me)...er, sorry about my lack of posts. I work fulltime at a university and am usually far too tired when I get home at night to write coherent LJ posts and, well, basically do anything except mindlessly browsing the internet and playing an occasional video game. Weekends aren't much better, since I have to share the internet with my family and catch up on everything else that I didn't get done during the rest of the week. So that leaves the bits and pieces of downtime that I have at work to actually post something...and, well, let's just say this semester has been THE busiest one I've ever seen. Seriously, I don't know why it was as crazy as it was (maybe it was the fact that the chair position of one of the programs I work for split into two, with two new people covering it, both of whom are highly strung at times?), but it was, and it took until last week before I finally caught up with all the major stuff on my plate. Hence why I can finally post here again. :)
So, since it has been so many months, I'm going to resort to the number list again in my efforts to cover everything.
( This is way too long so I'm cutting it to save your f-list from being completely overwhelmed. This cut covers Work and Vacation. )
( Current writing status/progress/miscellaneous info be here. )
( Video game talk be beneath here -- includes mentions of Tales of Vesperia, various other Tales games, Tales of Symphonia: Tethe'alla OVA, the Phoenix Wright saga, Brave Story, and one or two others. )
( A brief update on my Japanese studying progress, and some TV talk! )
( Chuck )
( Lost )
( Supernatural )
( Stargate Universe )
( A few other TV shows, like NCIS, Leverage, The Office... )
( And a few other miscellaneous life things. )
...And I think that covers the main things from the past few months. I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll be able to post more regularly again, but that depends entirely on how busy work is these next few weeks. And how distracted I get by writing and by working my way through more video games on my *gulp* 170+ video game backlog.
Take care, everyone, and I hope everyone on my f-list is doing well! :D
YES, I AM STILL ALIVE, AND YES I AM STILL DWELLING IN LJ-LAND.
Sorry about the bold capslock, but, well, after a particular near-defriending instance last week because of my lack of living-ness, I thought it might be appropriate to emphasize that. :)
So anyway...hi, everyone! To everyone new on my f-list (or who hasn't actually seen me post anything since they friended me)...er, sorry about my lack of posts. I work fulltime at a university and am usually far too tired when I get home at night to write coherent LJ posts and, well, basically do anything except mindlessly browsing the internet and playing an occasional video game. Weekends aren't much better, since I have to share the internet with my family and catch up on everything else that I didn't get done during the rest of the week. So that leaves the bits and pieces of downtime that I have at work to actually post something...and, well, let's just say this semester has been THE busiest one I've ever seen. Seriously, I don't know why it was as crazy as it was (maybe it was the fact that the chair position of one of the programs I work for split into two, with two new people covering it, both of whom are highly strung at times?), but it was, and it took until last week before I finally caught up with all the major stuff on my plate. Hence why I can finally post here again. :)
So, since it has been so many months, I'm going to resort to the number list again in my efforts to cover everything.
( This is way too long so I'm cutting it to save your f-list from being completely overwhelmed. This cut covers Work and Vacation. )( Current writing status/progress/miscellaneous info be here. )( Video game talk be beneath here -- includes mentions of Tales of Vesperia, various other Tales games, Tales of Symphonia: Tethe'alla OVA, the Phoenix Wright saga, Brave Story, and one or two others. )( A brief update on my Japanese studying progress, and some TV talk! )( Chuck )( Lost )( Supernatural )( Stargate Universe )( A few other TV shows, like NCIS, Leverage, The Office... )( And a few other miscellaneous life things. )...And I think that covers the main things from the past few months. I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll be able to post more regularly again, but that depends entirely on how busy work is these next few weeks. And how distracted I get by writing and by working my way through more video games on my *gulp* 170+ video game backlog.
Take care, everyone, and I hope everyone on my f-list is doing well! :D
[TOS Fic] Whatever Will Be #2: Trust Building 101 (1/7)
(This fic can also be found on FF.net here or on AO3 here.
Title: Trust Building 101
Author: SMB814
Rating: Mostly T, but some readers may consider it to be a strong T.
Warnings: Zelos being Zelos -- i.e., adult themes, mild language, innuendo, frank discussions about sex, etc.
Category: Romance/Fluff (Sheelos - if you don't like it, don't read it), Drama, Angst, Character study
Spoilers: Spoilers for the game and for Mental Holiday.
Time Frame: Part 2 of the Whatever Will Be series and a direct sequel to Mental Holiday, the first story in the series. If you haven't read that story, then go do that first or you won't understand the place where these two are currently at. You can find it here.
Summary: The good news? The woman Zelos was in love with loved him back. The bad news? She had six years' worth of reasons not to trust a word he said.
Disclaimer: Alas, Tales of Symphonia and its lovely characters don't belong to me. They belong to Namco-Bandai Games. I'm just borrowing them and not making any money off them, and I promise I'll return them unharmed (and probably happier than they ever were before) when I'm done playing with them.
Feedback: Feedback is love and fodder for future fics.
History: General plotting began December 2008; completed January 2010.
My Fic - Master List
This is more for my own reference than anyone else's, but just in case someone happens to be curious, here's a chronological listing of all the fic I've written and where to find it (if applicable). I'll be keeping this updated as I write more fics.
( Story list can be found behind here. )
And that's it for writing for me. Hopefully there will be more to come in the future. :)
( Story list can be found behind here. )And that's it for writing for me. Hopefully there will be more to come in the future. :)
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Finally...a new year!
Happy New Year to everyone! Personally, I'm one of those people who was eagerly awaiting the end of 2009, which was one of the most rotten years I can remember all the way around, so today couldn't come fast enough. Here's hoping this will be a better year for everyone!
Nothing really major going on, just briefly updating since it's been about a month since I last did. So, here we go.
1. Work. I still have a job, thank goodness. The university is still having major financial problems, so it's possible they'll have to go around later and do another round of job cuts, but at least for now, I'm still employed. Of course, considering how busy I was the last few weeks at work (seriously, I can't believe how ridiculously busy I was), I'm not sure how they could cut my position, but, well, that depends on who's making the cuts and how my job looks on paper. So we'll see. I do have to admit to really, really liking having off of work all this week, even if I've been So. Very. Busy. the entire time.
2. Writing. The sequel to "Mental Holiday" is written. Yay! Now I'm just finishing up some massive revisions to it and will hopefully be posting it within the next week or two. Assuming I can decide on a title for it, of course; I hate being torn between two different titles. And then I'll tackle the next story in the series, and then the next (and then the next, and the next, etc.), and once that series is done, I will FINALLY get back to work on Frozen Flame! I will, and you guys can hold me to that!
3. Video games. For the record, Tales of Vesperia is awesome. And incredibly fun. All of the Tales games are. I just wish I had more time to play it right now. I'm also hoping to set up the Wii so my family can play some Toy Story Mania before the end of the weekend. And I'm trying to decide which PSP or Nintendo DS game to play next...ugh, too many options. Anyone have any recommendations for a graphic adventure game (Hotel Dusk, Lux Pain, Theresia, etc.) or an RPG (Dragon Quest IV/V, The World Ends With You, Final Fantasy: Crisis Core, Kingdom Hearts 358/2, Tales of Phantasia/Eternia, etc.) I should try next? My options definitely aren't limited to just those.
4. TV. CHUCK STARTS SOON!!! Ahem, sorry about that, but that's definitely the one I'm looking forward to most right now, especially after how last season ended. Chuck 2.0! Supernatural, Lost, and NCIS will be back soon, too! I'm also quite enjoying Sanctuary, and Leverage is great fun, too. Oh, and I'm hooked on The Office, because Jim/Pam is one of the most awesome pairings I've ever seen...anyone else on my f-list watch that one? Castle is next on my list of shows to watch, but I think I'll wait to get started with that one during the summer. With all the other TV on this spring, I just don't have time to watch everything.
5. Japanese. Wow, talk about a confusing language at times. But my progress is still, while slow, also steady, and I keep reading and studying in bits and pieces, and I'm creating kanji and vocab flash cards on Anki, and listening to Japanese music has made a world of difference in my ability to hear the language spoken. How's it coming for you,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lifelongfling? :)
6. I'm...not sure about a 6 right now. I'm sure there's more I could ramble about, but it's time for breakfast and I really want to eat.
Oh, and major (((hugs))) to everyone on my f-list for their kind words on my last post. After a month, my mom seems to be doing all right with the whole thing -- not great, but all right. All we can do is take lessons out of it and try to keep ourselves as healthy as possible.
I'm making it a resolution to update my LJ more often this year, so hopefully there won't be more of those 6-month hiatus gaps. I hope everyone has a great New Years! :)
Nothing really major going on, just briefly updating since it's been about a month since I last did. So, here we go.
1. Work. I still have a job, thank goodness. The university is still having major financial problems, so it's possible they'll have to go around later and do another round of job cuts, but at least for now, I'm still employed. Of course, considering how busy I was the last few weeks at work (seriously, I can't believe how ridiculously busy I was), I'm not sure how they could cut my position, but, well, that depends on who's making the cuts and how my job looks on paper. So we'll see. I do have to admit to really, really liking having off of work all this week, even if I've been So. Very. Busy. the entire time.
2. Writing. The sequel to "Mental Holiday" is written. Yay! Now I'm just finishing up some massive revisions to it and will hopefully be posting it within the next week or two. Assuming I can decide on a title for it, of course; I hate being torn between two different titles. And then I'll tackle the next story in the series, and then the next (and then the next, and the next, etc.), and once that series is done, I will FINALLY get back to work on Frozen Flame! I will, and you guys can hold me to that!
3. Video games. For the record, Tales of Vesperia is awesome. And incredibly fun. All of the Tales games are. I just wish I had more time to play it right now. I'm also hoping to set up the Wii so my family can play some Toy Story Mania before the end of the weekend. And I'm trying to decide which PSP or Nintendo DS game to play next...ugh, too many options. Anyone have any recommendations for a graphic adventure game (Hotel Dusk, Lux Pain, Theresia, etc.) or an RPG (Dragon Quest IV/V, The World Ends With You, Final Fantasy: Crisis Core, Kingdom Hearts 358/2, Tales of Phantasia/Eternia, etc.) I should try next? My options definitely aren't limited to just those.
4. TV. CHUCK STARTS SOON!!! Ahem, sorry about that, but that's definitely the one I'm looking forward to most right now, especially after how last season ended. Chuck 2.0! Supernatural, Lost, and NCIS will be back soon, too! I'm also quite enjoying Sanctuary, and Leverage is great fun, too. Oh, and I'm hooked on The Office, because Jim/Pam is one of the most awesome pairings I've ever seen...anyone else on my f-list watch that one? Castle is next on my list of shows to watch, but I think I'll wait to get started with that one during the summer. With all the other TV on this spring, I just don't have time to watch everything.
5. Japanese. Wow, talk about a confusing language at times. But my progress is still, while slow, also steady, and I keep reading and studying in bits and pieces, and I'm creating kanji and vocab flash cards on Anki, and listening to Japanese music has made a world of difference in my ability to hear the language spoken. How's it coming for you,
lifelongfling? :)6. I'm...not sure about a 6 right now. I'm sure there's more I could ramble about, but it's time for breakfast and I really want to eat.
Oh, and major (((hugs))) to everyone on my f-list for their kind words on my last post. After a month, my mom seems to be doing all right with the whole thing -- not great, but all right. All we can do is take lessons out of it and try to keep ourselves as healthy as possible.
I'm making it a resolution to update my LJ more often this year, so hopefully there won't be more of those 6-month hiatus gaps. I hope everyone has a great New Years! :)
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...OMG.
My mom's best friend (a close family friend and someone I've known my entire life) was sick for the past, oh, week and a half. Nausea, couldn't breathe, extremely weak. She thought it was the flu of some kind. She'd never been terribly healthy -- didn't exercise, didn't eat right, didn't watch her weight -- so it wasn't too much of a surprise that she couldn't fight it off herself very quickly.
Last night we get a call from her son that they rushed her to the hospital because she was having an especially hard time breathing (after wasting two hours trying to convince her to go to the hospital -- there's a time for stubbornness, and there isn't, and when you can't breathe is one of them). They found out that she had four blood clots in her lungs. My mom thinks they probably broke free from somewhere in her legs -- several years ago, she'd suffered a pretty bad fall, and her legs had bothered her ever since. Last I had heard, she'd been doing fine.
And then this morning I find out she died last night.
I'm in shock. And so is my mom, obviously, far more than I am since she's known her for over 45 years. They've worked together for the vast majority of those years. And now she has to go in to work today, try to hold herself together, and tell everyone there what's happened. The reality and all its implications haven't even sunk in yet.
I wish I knew what to do, but I'm not sure I can do anything at this point.
...OMG. Life comes at you fast sometimes, doesn't it? Talk about incentive to do everything you possibly can to stay healthy. And to know when a hospital is necessary and when not to be stubborn about going to one.
Last night we get a call from her son that they rushed her to the hospital because she was having an especially hard time breathing (after wasting two hours trying to convince her to go to the hospital -- there's a time for stubbornness, and there isn't, and when you can't breathe is one of them). They found out that she had four blood clots in her lungs. My mom thinks they probably broke free from somewhere in her legs -- several years ago, she'd suffered a pretty bad fall, and her legs had bothered her ever since. Last I had heard, she'd been doing fine.
And then this morning I find out she died last night.
I'm in shock. And so is my mom, obviously, far more than I am since she's known her for over 45 years. They've worked together for the vast majority of those years. And now she has to go in to work today, try to hold herself together, and tell everyone there what's happened. The reality and all its implications haven't even sunk in yet.
I wish I knew what to do, but I'm not sure I can do anything at this point.
...OMG. Life comes at you fast sometimes, doesn't it? Talk about incentive to do everything you possibly can to stay healthy. And to know when a hospital is necessary and when not to be stubborn about going to one.
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Woo hoo!
Did all my fellow Chicago Stargate folks notice who was just added for next year's convention?
David Hewlett!
'Bout freaking time! Now we just need Claudia Black, Lexa Doig, and maybe a few others like JR Bourne, Mitch Pileggi, Colin Cunningham, or Kavan Smith to show up and my Stargate convention "collection" will be as close to complete as I'll probably ever feel compelled for it to be. :D (Well, barring Richard Dean Anderson magically showing up at one of these, but there's no way I'm holding my breath for THAT to happen. Or my falling madly in love with Stargate Universe and wanting to meet all of those actors, but so far I haven't even had a chance to watch it so I have no idea if that's ever going to happen or not.)
Just thought I'd share for those who hadn't heard that yet. :)
David Hewlett!
'Bout freaking time! Now we just need Claudia Black, Lexa Doig, and maybe a few others like JR Bourne, Mitch Pileggi, Colin Cunningham, or Kavan Smith to show up and my Stargate convention "collection" will be as close to complete as I'll probably ever feel compelled for it to be. :D (Well, barring Richard Dean Anderson magically showing up at one of these, but there's no way I'm holding my breath for THAT to happen. Or my falling madly in love with Stargate Universe and wanting to meet all of those actors, but so far I haven't even had a chance to watch it so I have no idea if that's ever going to happen or not.)
Just thought I'd share for those who hadn't heard that yet. :)
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Ugh, Take 2
You know what? Society, the economy, thoughtless people, arrogant people, greedy people...it can all bite me. I'm getting pretty darn close to running away somewhere, burying my face in the sand to get away from all the stupidity, and never being seen again. Don't get me wrong, I want to live, but this world we're all currently stuck in is not a world I want to live in. And I don't have any idea what I can do to fix any of it.
They're "seriously considering" layoffs at the university where I work because they need to find $4 million dollars to balance the budget (never mind that we somehow jumped from needing $1.4 million to $4 million in the matter of, like, two months, and they're not explaining how things got to be this bad). Where I stand on the cutting block, I have absolutely no idea. They don't know, either -- or if they do, they're not telling us. We won't know for another month or so, once they make their final recommendations. So now I get to sit here for the next month, worrying about whether or not I'm going to have a job, health care, etc. next year. And knowing them, they probably won't let us know specifics about who's staying and who's leaving until some time after that.
I understand wanting to keep us all informed of where things stand, and I appreciate not being completely blindsided with this. But seriously? At least an entire month of being on edge, having no idea what the future holds for us, and no one giving us any details about where things stand? Couldn't they have found a better way to tell us than this, worrying and scaring people for a whole month? And what's worse is the administration has made it clear that they don't value staff. As far as they're concerned (or at least the impression they give us), we're all expendable. Yeah, that gives me, a staff member, a really terrific, loved feeling. The people I work with directly are great, and I trust them and respect them, but the rest of the university? Not so much...and especially not anymore, ever since this new administration came in.
And then to top it all off this morning, some idiot rear-ends me. I was turning left at a major intersection, and I couldn't go because *gasp* a car was coming the other direction, and he wasn't paying attention so he didn't stop and instead smacked me. Yep, that is exactly what I needed right now. At least no one was hurt and my car is still useable, but still, seriously? Life? Can you please lay off it for awhile?
Needless to say, I'm getting pretty close to losing it because I just don't want to deal with any of this right now. And I know everyone else is dealing with their own crap, too, and mine is pretty minimal compared to what's on everyone else's plates, but it still sucks. Life shouldn't be this way. Society shouldn't be this way. People shouldn't be this way. But greed and power and selfishness have tied everyone else's hands and created the horrible situation we're all currently stuck in. And to be honest, as a student of history, I'm afraid it's gotten to the point of being pretty much unfixable until something catastrophic happens that finally manages to reshift the balance of power. Whether or not the United States could survive something like that at this point without completely imploding, though, is the question. The Roman Empire thought they were too big to fall, too, but look at what happened there. It's all just a giant unknown right now.
Unsurprisingly, my writing muse has completely run off on me, too -- between being on vacation, getting the flu, and now all of this other stuff, Kitty is just nowhere to be found. Right now I could use the distraction of writing more than ever before, something happy to focus on outside of life's crap and get away from the stress for awhile -- and a way to vent and point out just where society has gone wrong in an effort to try to get people to see the stupidity for what it is for themselves -- but the stress itself is a muse-killer. Ugh, what a vicious, nasty cycle. I'm just going to have to force myself to sit and start writing again, whether I feel like it or not, and then hope something clicks at some point. Preferably without leaving a trail of crap in its wake.
...And now I have to try to find my motivation and morale and actually get some work done. Maybe pigs will start flying while I'm at it, too.
Here's hoping everyone else on my f-list is having a better day than I am.
They're "seriously considering" layoffs at the university where I work because they need to find $4 million dollars to balance the budget (never mind that we somehow jumped from needing $1.4 million to $4 million in the matter of, like, two months, and they're not explaining how things got to be this bad). Where I stand on the cutting block, I have absolutely no idea. They don't know, either -- or if they do, they're not telling us. We won't know for another month or so, once they make their final recommendations. So now I get to sit here for the next month, worrying about whether or not I'm going to have a job, health care, etc. next year. And knowing them, they probably won't let us know specifics about who's staying and who's leaving until some time after that.
I understand wanting to keep us all informed of where things stand, and I appreciate not being completely blindsided with this. But seriously? At least an entire month of being on edge, having no idea what the future holds for us, and no one giving us any details about where things stand? Couldn't they have found a better way to tell us than this, worrying and scaring people for a whole month? And what's worse is the administration has made it clear that they don't value staff. As far as they're concerned (or at least the impression they give us), we're all expendable. Yeah, that gives me, a staff member, a really terrific, loved feeling. The people I work with directly are great, and I trust them and respect them, but the rest of the university? Not so much...and especially not anymore, ever since this new administration came in.
And then to top it all off this morning, some idiot rear-ends me. I was turning left at a major intersection, and I couldn't go because *gasp* a car was coming the other direction, and he wasn't paying attention so he didn't stop and instead smacked me. Yep, that is exactly what I needed right now. At least no one was hurt and my car is still useable, but still, seriously? Life? Can you please lay off it for awhile?
Needless to say, I'm getting pretty close to losing it because I just don't want to deal with any of this right now. And I know everyone else is dealing with their own crap, too, and mine is pretty minimal compared to what's on everyone else's plates, but it still sucks. Life shouldn't be this way. Society shouldn't be this way. People shouldn't be this way. But greed and power and selfishness have tied everyone else's hands and created the horrible situation we're all currently stuck in. And to be honest, as a student of history, I'm afraid it's gotten to the point of being pretty much unfixable until something catastrophic happens that finally manages to reshift the balance of power. Whether or not the United States could survive something like that at this point without completely imploding, though, is the question. The Roman Empire thought they were too big to fall, too, but look at what happened there. It's all just a giant unknown right now.
Unsurprisingly, my writing muse has completely run off on me, too -- between being on vacation, getting the flu, and now all of this other stuff, Kitty is just nowhere to be found. Right now I could use the distraction of writing more than ever before, something happy to focus on outside of life's crap and get away from the stress for awhile -- and a way to vent and point out just where society has gone wrong in an effort to try to get people to see the stupidity for what it is for themselves -- but the stress itself is a muse-killer. Ugh, what a vicious, nasty cycle. I'm just going to have to force myself to sit and start writing again, whether I feel like it or not, and then hope something clicks at some point. Preferably without leaving a trail of crap in its wake.
...And now I have to try to find my motivation and morale and actually get some work done. Maybe pigs will start flying while I'm at it, too.
Here's hoping everyone else on my f-list is having a better day than I am.